What the... what??

We won't let a little thing like a birthday get in the way of the crap that tumbles from the mouths of my family.  Me included...

Me:  Ryan, do you want your toast cutting?
Ryan:  Yes please.
Me:  How?  Squares or triangles?
Ryan:  Triangles please.
Me:  There you go.
Ryan:  *walks away*  I love Illuminati toast...

Er... what?

Adam:  Dad, can you wash my scarf?  It's in my school bag and it's got pencil crumbs on it...
Mr G:  What are pencil crumbs??
Adam:  The bits that come when you sharpen a pencil?

Watching an episode of Ninjago, where one character threw his brother into a portal.
Adam:  That's not nice, is it?   Throwing your brother into a portal?
Me:  Well, depends which brother you mean, doesn't it?
Adam:  *pauses*  If you threw Dave (my brother) into a portal, would his head get stuck?

Adam trying to grasp the concept of why I had so much cash and gifts on my birthday.  I tried in vain to explain a 'special' birthday... and got a bit exasperated.

Adam:  So, is ten a special birthday?

Me:  They're all special, Adam, but some are traditionally more special than others.  Eighteen, twenty one, forty...

Adam:  So you're saying my birthday isn't special.

Me:  Adam, look.  The first time you're going to see anything like this, is when you're eighteen.

Adam:  Hmmmmph. Great.  So I'm going to get a cat and a candle... can't wait...

Relaxing in Ye Olde Boote Inn last Friday evening, totally chilled, really nice atmosphere...

Me:  Really nice, this.  

Mr G:  Relaxing.  No rowdiness at all.

Me: *jokingly*  We're amongst a better class of people, darling.

Mr G:  Yes.  The English...

Bloody cheek...

Looking at the birthday bunting strung up at the window, he says...

Mr G:  You can make 'Hell Mice' out of your name...

Telling Mr G where to put a loose carrier bag...

Me:  Put it on top of the helicopter... (washing machine...!)

Mr G stumbling in the dark next to our bed.

Mr G:  Bloody hell, I nearly fell over your lawnmower then!  (Hairdryer...)

Mr G assembling some very tacky fluttering garden ornaments.  They're crap, but the birds are decimating our baskets to take the matting for their nests, and they're a good deterrent.

Mr G:  Oooooooh it's a dandelion this time, not a butterfly.

Me:  It's a what?

Mr G: A dragonfly.

Me:  You said dandelion.

Mr G:  No I didn't, you're listening things.

Again... what?  :-)