Thursday, 18 July 2013

Title-less Thursday

Today is absolutely scorching, so I've had to come upstairs where it's cooler (for now).  Probably not the best idea to have a huge joint of pork in the oven for Pulled Pork but it smells absolutely fantastic so I'm sure it will be worth it.

Well trained

Disturbing 'So what search keywords led you to my blog, then?' discovery of the day.   Someone found me via 'Smoking'.  Now, ok - granted, I do have a blog post that covers both smoking and mentions the word 'bondage' but somehow I don't think that was exactly what they were looking for...  the mind boggles...

'Random email question that seriously, you don't want me to answer for you' of the day.

'Michelle, do you POOP enough? (Serious question)'    Yes.  Yes I do.  If I gave them a serious answer they would need counselling.  I eat a lot of green stuff and an awful lot of hot pepper sauce.   It's not pretty.   Sometimes it burns.   I may respond, with a .jpeg or two and maybe then they'll stop asking me impertinent questions?

Mr G has his mouth guard.   Oh yes he does.

Mr G:  Give me a kith.

Me:  No.  Eeeeeeeeeew.  Go away.   No tongues then.  Just on the lips.

Mr G:  Awwww!   Jutht my luck ithn't it.  Thingth like thith alwayth happen to me.  I can't even thay my own name.  Thtephen. 

I wet myself laughing - he told me to 'Pith off'. 

Kids are off to their school discos tonight, and for Caitlin it's her last one :-(  I've found an old digital camera for her to go and collect her memories.  All my babies are growing up.  My eldest is a few months off turning 18, my little girl is going to high school and even my baby is going up to Juniors :-(  I told Adam how sad it made me today, that they were all growing up too quick and he told me his solution, which was to have another baby.  When I queried where we would put it, he said 'attic'.   Could be done with a little bit of work, I suppose...?  Watch this space, but don't tell my friend H, or - quote unquote - 'If I even get an inkling that you're considering having another child, I will personally shove my hand up your use your imagination and remove your fallopian tubes'.   Ouch.

I don't know what that pose was...

They call her mini-me.  I wish I had her figure these days!

We found this one under a bush...

As for me, I am actually going to sit down tonight and have some 'me time'.  Favourite tunes on, big salad, nice glass (bottle...) of vino and read a book outside.   Get myself geared up for the next six weeks.   

How me and Mr G are rollin' tonight

Have a great evening, whatever you're doing :-)

M x

Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Wednesday's witterings

Another beautiful day again, and amazingly Mr G still does not let me down.   I forgot to post this one yesterday.  While we were in Bangor yesterday, the air was full of what looked like white fluff.  I asked him what it all was as we were driving into Aldi car park.

Mr G:  You know.  *Holds something imaginary up to his lips*  'One o'clocks'.  *Blows*  One o'clock, two o'clock... *Glances at me*  You're going to tell me they're not called that now, aren't you?

Me:  Dandelions...

Mr G:  I call them 'one o'clocks'...

You say 'one o'clocks', I say 'dandelions...'

And last night in bed, just as we're both dropping off to sleep...

Mr G:  I know what we forgot to buy yesterday.

Me:  What?

Mr G:  Sun juice.  Not juice.  What's the word... *struggles for about 30 seconds*  Lotion.

Me:  Sun juice?  Will you remember this in the morning, so I can blog it?  Or do I just get up and write it down in case I forget?

Mr G:  No  *silence*  I'm just going to stop talking altogether.  When I get my mouthguard, that's it.  I'm going to keep it in forever. 

Shame.  Hope he'll enjoy his soup as much as I'll be enjoying that rump steak tonight then... in silence. 

Sports news now... ok, only because I thought it was funny.  I'm not a boxing fan as such, but I'm not a woman who gets her hair off about it being barbaric and needing banning.  If there's a big fight - I'll watch it.   And on the 28th of September, Tyson Fury and David Haye are fighting.  Which is brilliant timing as it will be the night of my son's 18th birthday party, so there'll be a good crowd here to watch it.   Tyson Fury makes me laugh so much.   But this from David Haye re the contracts has to be worth a mention too...

“I think they were teaching Fury how to read, that’s why it took so long. You should have seen what we got back.
“It was in crayon, just a big scribble on a piece of paper.
“There was a little duck on there and a loveheart. But you cannot reason with an idiot.
“Fury said he’s the greatest boxer there has ever been and will ever be. That came out of his mouth. He genuinely believes that.
“You could go to any institution and find people who believe they’re talking to someone who’s next to them. He’s mentally deranged. He’s not a danger to anybody though, particularly in a boxing ring.”

In other sports news, apparently De Gea is trying to encourage Fabregas to come to Manchester United.  Dave, four words... Thiago, Jinx, Shut, Up. 

School holiday countdown, three days.  Three days to get house tidy for the last time until September the 3rd, because until then, cleaning and tidying is a waste of time.  Which it is anyway really but when they're here 24/7.  Daunting task indeed.

Off to watch Despicable Me 2 later, I've been looking forward to that for weeks and weeks.  Big kid I am :-)

M x

Tuesday, 16 July 2013

Sports Day and other lunacy...

Last week, Mr G went with Ryan's class on their school trip to Greenwood Forest Park.   At the end of the trip, all the children went off to spend their money in the gift shop, and when they were all stood outside, he noticed one of the teachers was looking a bit worried.  A little boy in the group had wanted to buy a present for his mother, and had picked a fridge magnet for her.  The teacher hadn't thought anything of it until he pulled it out of the bag to show her once outside, and then she noticed the wording on it...

I love you Mummy...

I wonder what his Mum's face was like when he gave it to her?  At least she got a present, Ryan bought a tub of putty that makes fart noises.  At least I wasn't insulted though.

Today was Sports Day, another lovely sunny day here in Wales.  It makes a change for Sports Day to actually go ahead on the day and not be postponed - or even cancelled - because of the rain! 

Ryan still in a lot of pain after his continuing dental work, so he was a spectator this year.  Adam won the egg and spoon race and his face says it all, bless him.

Mr G has been on form this week.  Today's was probably the most random gaffe that has ever come out of his mouth.  We were in the car, rushing to get some shopping in between the sports day sessions, and as we approached the end of our road, he says...

Mr G:  I saw shall remain unnamed baby burglar yesterday.

Me:  WHAT????

Mr G:  Sunbathing, I meant, not babysitting.

Me:  You didn't say babysitting.  You said 'baby burglar'.

Mr G:  Did I?  What the hell does that mean?

Me:  Well, if you don't know honey... not much hope of me knowing, is there?

The other day, Mr G walked through from the kitchen into the living room to ask me...

Mr G:  Shell, where's your fanny cover, there's a fly in the kitchen.

The sad thing is, I knew what he meant.  I've been with him long enough.  What is a fanny cover, do I hear you ask?  Well,it's one of these...

Mr G went up to the shop the other day, supposedly to buy one of those car windshield covers.  This is what he came home with.

Now, far be it from me to be a bitch (he's just called me a bitch...) but.  For starters, he's 51.  And a half, if we're going to split hairs.  Secondly, he's had seven operations on his ankles, the last two being in the last two years.   Followed by a shoulder operation and wrist operation last November.   Not to mention extensive cardiac investigations and 15 days on a drip after contracting MRSA.  (His middle name is 'Lucky' by the way...)  One of the yoga type positions in the book, I told him if he could ever get into that position, I'd show my backside.  So today he's made a start on his training, motivating himself by watching 2 - 7 year olds run around a field with bean bags on their heads, and by purchasing Cod Liver Oil capsules from Poundland for his creaky joints.  God loves a tryer.  And I have to admit, so do I.   Life is never dull with him, anyway :-)   He's being fitted with his mouthguard tomorrow (lol) for his overbite so not only will I have two hours peace daily for the foreseeable, but possibly a photo opportunity too.   Silver linings everywhere...

He was ever so excited when I told him part of his Fathers Day present included something that was red and white and stripey, bless his heart, he thought he was getting the new Wigan Warriors home shirt. 



And on that note... goodnight :-)

M x

Friday, 12 July 2013

And it's not even Friday the 13th...

Firstly, Gmail?  What the hell is this new inbox you've just foisted on me?  I now have three different places my emails go to - and you decide what they are?  Primary, social and promotions?  I had enough trouble keeping track of one list, now I have to keep checking three?  In case you've put something in the wrong box?  Thanks a bloody lot. 

I'm going to be on the scrounge in a bit from my UK followers, both local and further afield.  More on that later.  My house has been like something out of an episode of  'Outnumbered' this morning.  I say 'this morning' like any other day is a semblence of normal.  Y'all know it isn't.  

Last two weeks of term - such fun!  And seven days until the summer holidays!  Yes, that was a hint of sarcasm you detected.   Yesterday was Adam's school trip to the cinema.  Knowing his sister's school trip today was to see Despicable Me 2, he was so looking forward to it.  He had a face like thunder when I picked him up from school yesterday.  The school had taken them to see Wreck it Ralph.  Which he's already seen.  Twice.  And he's getting less and less impressed the more times he sees it.   So I've had to promise him to take them to see it before it closes in the cinema (incidentally 23rd June, in case anyone's wondering...).  Then he decides he wants a barbecue.  Tomorrow.   You know me, anything for a get together.  But I really can't be bothered in this weather.  Yes, I know it's barbecue weather.  Yes, I know I moan that every time I plan something it's raining or gale force.  But really, meh.  

I have Ryan off school, he had teeth out on Tuesday.  Before anyone chastises me for being a bad mother, he is Autistic and has sensory issues.  You think about trying to get a child who doesn't want to, to clean their teeth... you haven't seen anything until you've tried it with an Autistic child.  Adam, who is clearly still very pissed off has woke up on the wrong side of the bed, claiming to be ill.  Despite my promising to take him to Cineworld next week and for a KFC after - he's still ill.  Which means the minute the school bell goes at 9am, he'll miraculously recover, and I'll feel stupid for being duped by a 6 year old.  Again.  He also still wants a barbecue.   Not just us six, oh no.  I have to invite people as well.

It gets more and more bizarre.  My daughter is apparently rewriting or remixing or rehashing the Special AKA hit 'Free Nelson Mandela'  at school, and she is off on her school trip today.  Bath last night, washed hair and she plaited it.   Off she's toddled looking like her head exploded.

And then we have Sideshow Dan.  Who now has hair like a 1970s footballer.  And a very dubious moustache.  Looks a bit like a young Welsh Phil Lynott?  Worked out he wouldn't be here to collect his AS results and I wanted to make sure he found out today as to how to get them sent by post.  So I venture into the pit (teenage boys rooms, that smell, what is it?) and I ask random questions to make sure he's awake.  

Me:  Dan?  Dan?  Dan? 

Dan:  Mmph.

Me:  What's your name.

Dan:  Yeah.   I'm awake.

Me:  What year is it?

Dan:  2015.

Er, no.  No it's not.

Mr G too, hasn't let me down.  My computer is just about to die after months of watching the BSOD, it's now doing it about twice an hour.  I have a new tower here ready to connect, but I just can't let my baby go.  All the stuff still on it, all my log ins, passwords, emails in my Outlook Express that have been there for three years that I still haven't read.   So I'm sweating like a glassblower's bum crack up in our bedroom, trying to backup all my data and I go downstairs for a cold drink to find this spectacle, in the 20+ degree heat.

Me:  What are you doing with that ukulele?

Mr G:  Practicing.

He knows four chords.  Four.  This isn't 'Hey Soul Sister' we're talking about.  Now, he's just gone for a walk, in a vest and shorts and - wait for it - wearing a bloody bum bag.  A green bum bag.   I know we're on an island but we're not talking Crete here...?   I'm going to include couscous in tonight's tea just to punish him.  

Begging post to follow...

Thursday, 11 July 2013

Say... what?

Busy times... you know the drill, parents evenings, sports days, school trips, dentists, illness, yawn...

Adam:   Mum?   Are girls the same as boys?

Me:  Yes.  Well... *thinks - this is going to lead to nether region discussion* ... we all have two eyes, ears, a heart, legs, arms

Adam:   But girls have had their winkles chopped off?

Me:  Not chopped off... we just didn't... grow them... (GROW THEM?)

Adam:  Yeah, you have the volcanoes instead.

Me:   Volcanoes?

Adam:  Yes.  Girls twinkles look like volcanoes.  Upside down.

I could go many places with this 'volcano' analogy.  But I won't.  Because it's filth.  And this is a family blog.  When I'm sober.  And his sister now needs to stop wandering around in the nude.

Mr G went to the dentist on Wednesday to be told, at the age of 51, that he has an overbite, and he was measured for a mouthguard.  I laughed.  

Mr G:  I have to wear it for a couple of hours each day.

Me:  Will it shut you up?

Mr G:  If it does, I'm getting you measured for one.

I asked for that.