Back on track?

Hopefully, anyway. By back on track, I mean that I've managed to make it to 10 pm without cocking the whole day up. A maintain at Slimming World this week, and God only knows how I managed that. Maybe life felt bad after handing me a six pound gain last week and didn't think my sanity could cope with another kicking so soon after? Either way.

I have been a bit of a bugger though. I haven't been sticking to plan. Or I've been sticking to plan all day and then eating seventy syns at night. Or I've been so busy during the day and haven't taken anything out of the freezer for tea, and end up putting a pie in. And because I'm eating a pie, well, might as well have a huge mound of chips with it, eh?

So, I've had many different perspectives, from friends both at SW and not. My weight loss buddy from BSD days is back on her (calorie counting) plan from today. Sometimes it's good to speak to those that maybe you don't normally talk about things like that to. The SW friend I spoke to last night sparked a lightbulb moment in me. When I realised that with Covid-19, and the lockdown, I had lost my focus. I had lost my aim.

I had lost the praise and recognition that I got from family and friends. I had lost the compliments - and trust me, after being hugely overweight for the best part of twenty years, I am milking those for all they are worth! There are no occasions to look forward to; no parties, no meals out, no rugby matches, no sneaky nights away with Mr G, no family holiday this year. No clothes shop to buy that next size down to hang on the outside of my wardrobe. Nothing to work towards. No 'well, I'll be good until x and then when I'm there, I can get drunk/have fish and chips'. And if I can't have a treat then... then I'm having the treat now. And it has to stop because I'm on a slippery slope. I've drank more alcohol this last three weeks than I did all last year. I've eaten more crap than I allowed myself to do all last year. I deprived and denied myself of so much, no cake at birthdays - including my own, meals out that were mainly healthy, very little alcohol, even Christmas was ridiculously good, compared to Christmases of old. I didn't do all that, I didn't make those sacrifices to f**k up so majorly now.

So today, I faced my Slimming World group, armed with this realisation about myself - because weightloss is probably 20% effort, 80% psychology. I had some really good tips from the other ladies, especially the ones who don't attend our morning group, more new perspective. I admitted that what I did that worked in normal life, suddenly wasn't working for me in lockdown. I admitted that I felt permanently hungry - and it seems I'm not the only person this is affecting this way, even Joe Wicks said in an interview last week that he felt constantly hungry. Immediately after group, a friend videocalled me, said she was worried about me after seeing me in group. And even though she's fourteen years younger than me, she is quite sage for such a young girl, and she can pep talk like no other.

I decided to switch things up, and I made a risotto for lunch. I know it's a dish that fills me. I adapted the Pinch of Nom Garlic Mushroom risotto from their website, which they make in an Actifry. Totally syn free, and really filling.

Considering neither one of us had tried risotto until a couple of months ago, it's fast becoming one of our favourite things to eat. I haven't been shopping yet this week, and I actually used a tin of mushrooms, bought as a just in case during the panic buying madness, because tinned mushrooms are better than no mushrooms, right?

For our tea we had Chubby Cubs Mongolian Beef - to which I had added mushrooms in order to bulk it out a little - served with long grain rice.

And my syns today... 15 on the nail. No more, no less. Quite impressed with myself.

But what is even more impressive is that I had a decent walk on the treadmill. Thinking about needing an aim, a goal. I have been wanting to walk the coastal path around Anglesey for years. Every year it's on my bucket list. Every year it isn't crossed off. Every time I suggest making a start on it, Mr G seemed to have an excuse. So I've told him, we are doing it once this lockdown is over. But in the meantime, I've decided to 'walk' it at home. All 125 miles. Or in new money, 200 kilometres of it. And today I made a start!

I was going faster than 0.8 km, honestly. I just had to slow it right down to take the picture. So, only another 193 kilometres to go!

So there we have it. The new things I am trying this week...
1. A heartier, preferably bread free lunch, freeing up my bread allowance for my tea - or if it isn't needed - for my supper, where I could have a sandwich, a roll, baked oats, even a wrap pizza if I wanted!

2. Chipping away at that 200 kilometre round the island walk. I probably won't do 7 km every day, though!

3. Finding some new sweet treats for the night time. Suggestions have included making the SW Haribo sweets (I'm late to the party there...) and making jellies up.

Tomorrow's meals are homemade falafel, hummus and salad for lunch and Tom Kerridge Coconut Chicken Curry and rice for tea. See if I can get two good days under my belt. God loves a trier.