The Curse of Frazzled Shell

I've come to the conclusion that my blog is a jinx.  You know, how celebs sell their wedding pics to these gossip magazines?  Then divorce a year later?  I think this blog does the same for all and any plans that I might make.  The Curse of Frazzled Shell.   I'm not even joking.  I say this, this and this will happen, and that, that and that does so none of it happens.  Or it all goes so awry that I don't even know how to begin explaining or getting a post out of it?  So in future, I'm saying or doing nothing on here, until it's actually done!   

Well, the party was... just was.  It happened.  I think everyone who came enjoyed themselves.  Except me that is.  Something happened early on in the evening, leaving me very disappointed, pissed off, upset and in floods of tears.  Kind of ruined my whole evening after looking forward to it for so long.  Didn't open a bottle of wine.  Didn't bother my arse picking up my camera to take a photo even, I was that fed up.  I may have said it before, but never, ever again.  I put myself out to more trouble than anyone I know, and certainly to more trouble than anyone ever puts themself out for me.  I spend a lot of time and money trying to make sure that everyone has a lovely evening, and feels appreciated as a part of my life.  I do this despite being in a lot of pain daily, more pain than people probably realise, because I just push on with life every day.  Do or die, and I'm not ready to die yet.  I've done more than my fair share of hosting now, either someone else takes over the role, or they don't.  Simple as.  I'm done.

The inlaws went home today, we had a couple of nice days out; Swallow Falls and Betws y Coed, and we went to Llandudno yesterday.  Mr G took them to Beaumaris last night for a stroll, and they went to Moelfre, Lligwy, Red Wharf Bay for a drive on the Sunday as I cleared up my wrecked house (well, wrecked compared to how tidy it was before the party!).  The plan is that we go to stay with them in Wigan this weekend for a family party, but the knock on effect of Mr G walking around for longer than usual this last couple of days means that he is flat out on the sofa, in 'more pain than when you called the ambulance for me'.  We've noticed this has happened a couple of times before, when he's walked around for a while, doesn't have to be for necessarily long distances either.  It suddenly strikes him down again.  My Mum has just phoned to inform me that my Great Uncle is in hospital in Devon with the same thing, having had his gallbladder out a short while after Mr G, but he too has the same pain, and just as bad as before the op.  A Google search reveals this is very common, known affectionately as 'phantom gallbladder'.  Pain relief doesn't work on Mr G.  So, short of a miracle cure, it looks like we are going to have to cancel this weekend.  Unfortunately I don't drive.  We were meant to be taking the eldest to his father in Manchester, so that's thrown a spanner in the works there too.  Our friend's wedding in Wrexham is the weekend after, time will tell if we get to go to that... but I really hope so, I'm so looking forward to it, and to seeing her again, this time under happier circumstances.  I'm not feeling great either, the knock on effect of sleeping in our daughter's very soft and springy double bed since Friday night, and you may as well cut my lower body off at the waist for what good it is.  My back, my hip, my lower leg and my knee, all griping away at once, like a nerve throbbing in each one.  I hurt on both sides, and my body doesn't know which side to limp on for the best, so when I walk I'm sort of staggering, with one leg that bends and one that doesn't want to?  Stairs are a particular spectacle.  Both going up and down.  Lol?  I must look a bloody sight.  Ok, there's no 'must' in there.  I look a sight.   

So I'm feeling very down, very whingey, which isn't like me.  I try and keep positive and look for the silver lining in everything, but I am having a very hard time doing that at the moment.  

Two things have kept me semi-sane this week.  Firstly the very brilliant Hollyoaks.  I've always had a soft spot for Hollyoaks from the start, because it was aimed at my generation (back then, not my generation now, sadly!).  It hasn't always been this good, granted, it lagged behind the 'Big Three' for years.  But it's recent win of Best Soap at the Soap Awards confirmed what we fans have been saying for a good couple of years.  Not just the storylines they tackle, but the warts and all way in which they tackle them. The recent domestic violence storyline with Maxine and Patrick sends chills down my spine, and I hope both Nikki Sanderson and Jeremy Sheffield get recognition next year for their brilliant performances.  Even if they don't, if the story helps at least one person finally seek help then it's been worthwhile. 

Secondly, my Facebook feed has been awash with people raving about 'Orange is the New Black'.  So I downloaded the book.  Loved it.  Absolutely loved it.  It wasn't what I expected, it was entertaining, enlightening and inspiring.   Now the search begins for the next book to read.  In fact, the Goodreads Challenge is just about the only thing that I've been able to stick to so far this year! 

School finishes in two days, and just to clarify, we have no plans for this weekend, and no plans for the summer holidays in general.  No days out, no camping trips, no meals out, no picnics, no trips to the beach, no walks in the countryside.  Nothing.  Planned.  All.  Summer.  You hear me, Life?  Nothing.  Pfffffffffffft.

M x