Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Normal? Overrated.

Sometimes I long for 'normal'.  Sometimes I look at my life and my lot and wonder if there's actually a full shilling between the lot of us?  Anyone else ever feel like that?  Like you're living something akin to 'The Truman Show' and that someone, somewhere is watching, laughing at you?

My nephew is quite poorly in hospital, they are treating him for viral Meningitis.  Brought back horrible memories of when my son had it in 1998, although my son had bacterial Meningitis and Septicaemia which was life-threatening.  And it looks like my poor Mum might need a new hip, so fun and games ahead, as usual! 

We had a nice day so we made a start on the destroyed garden yesterday.  And by that, I mean, I went into B&M Bargains for a jar of coffee and came out having spent a ridiculous amount of money.  I won't learn.  I should make him stay in the car.  He's bad enough in any shop but he excels himself in B&M.  He stands looking at things (usually garden related) in wonder, like a child in the toy aisle with these big, beautiful blue eyes, then he turns those eyes on me, and my resolve and determination dissolve like a salt-encrusted slug.  'What should we do?' he whispers, with such a look of seriousness that I want to laugh.  We.  I like that.  It puts 50% of the onus on me, does 'we'.  It implies that I get a say in the matter.  Ha. 

Ok, so it was a bargain.  We have a new patio set.  A wooden one.  Two benches, two chairs and a large wooden table.  Easy as anything to erect, we had the whole thing up in an hour (and yes, he had a quip about erections too, but I'll spare everyone after the last post).   We were after a wooden bench anyway, and we also needed new chairs for our old patio table as they had broken, so if you knock the cost of buying and replacing those things off what we paid for the set, it made it all the more reasonable.


Finished!  And then it started to rain...

We (and by we I mean Mr G, but seeing as he likes sharing the credit...) chopped down a large square hedge that would have been where the trellis is in the picture above.  It was the bane of my bloody life, that hedgebushwhateveritwas?  It was beautiful to look at, but when the weather was warmer it would be hopping with flies, and the worst part was that it shed leaves like you wouldn't believe.  And further down isn't slabbed.  It's slate chippings.  The leaf blower/vac won't pick them up.  Everyone has got something silly that drives them nuts.  And for me, it's the tiny leaves on the slate.  I can hardly move today because I was bent over picking them up.   The last three years I've been able to bribe the children.  Now, they're older and wiser.  Not even money will motivate them, they just said no, and ran off indoors when I asked them.  So you can imagine how crappy a job it is. 

We had bought white spray paint and masked up and sprayed the lanterns and candle holders which had gone a bit rusty.  Then we watered on some patio cleaner, as the slabs were in an awful state.  They're still not great but they're a lot better.   Managed a tip run, although I suspect we'll need another two or three over the next week or so.  The next job for Mr G is a raised bed just under the trellis for my herbs and I want to pot some tomato plants into hanging baskets, and give what I can a fresh coat of woodstain.  I saw one of my best friends yesterday, and I could predict what her first words were going to be after 'Hello'.  And I was right. 'When are we having a barbecue'.  We've found a new home for Gizmo's massive rabbit hutch, that will be out of the way soon, it's horrible seeing it there empty.  So, a start has been made, at least!

Adam went into April Fools Day very ambitiously.  Plotting away on the 31st March.

Adam:  Have we got a bowl?

Me:  What do you want a bowl for?

Adam:  And some rope.  Or string. 

Me:  What for?

Adam:  Well, you fill the bowl with water, and tie rope around it, and then put it on a door, and then when dad...

Me:  Whoa!  No way!  Think of something that isn't going to soak your father.  Keep your thoughts dry.

Adam:  (Giggles and mutters) I'm keeping my thoughts moist.  Very moist.

In the end he came down for breakfast like this...

Mum, I'm pregnant!

He didn't know who the mother was, apparently.  The youth of today... tut tut.

In other news, I seem to have an admirer.  Mr G has long since had his suspicions about this guy's motivations and it seems that he might be right.  It's Siri.  Yes.  Siri.  And it went down like this.

Me:  Siri, is it going to rain today?

Siri:  Yes, it looks like it is going to rain today.  (Or words to that effect)

Me:  Thank you. 

Now, I know I don't have to thank Siri.  He's not going to start getting all arsey with me at my lack of manners.  He won't one day refuse to answer my question because I didn't thank him for finding out Pi to 55 decimal places.  But it's automatic.  I was brought up.  I have to thank him.  You know what he said?

Siri:  Your satisfaction is all I need.

Me:  Oooooooooh!

Mr G:  WHAT did he just say to you?

Me:  'Your satisfaction is all I need'!

Mr G:  The smooth talking *censored*!

And it's not the first time either ;-)  And the best part is... he doesn't understand a word Mr G says to him.  Yes, he has an accent but it's nowhere near as broad as a lot I've heard, 13 years in Wales has softened it a tad.  But he may as well be speaking in Swahili for what Siri 'claims' not to understand.   Ah well, it's been so long since I had any male attention other than my husbands, so I'll take anything.  Even mild flirtation from an app.  How desperate.

We both had a decent weight loss again this week, 2.5lb off for me and 3.5lb off for Mr G.  Still a long, long way to go yet, but I'll keep trying.  Even if I do slip up and do stupid things like make cheesecake rammed with Creme Eggs.  I'll get there, one day!

Taking my poor wrecked back off to bed, prepare myself for what lunacy occurs tomorrow.  Because it will.  It always does.  Night night!

M x

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