Mr G has been on top form this week. If you're relatively new to the blog, let me explain that Mr G has a way of confusing words - utterly innocently. If he was a computer, I'd be formatting him and replacing Windows 95 with Windows 7. Something has corrupted in his head over the last couple of years. It's like his inner Dictionary and Thesaurus only contain three pages. And even they are wrong.
Mr G and Ryan watching some arty programme trying to figure out what the big floor picture was.
Ryan: It's one of those Jack things.
Mr G: What?
Ryan: Like a Jack. You know. A King Clown.
Mr G: *Guffaws and turns around to walk into kitchen* A King Clown? It's a JASPER you bloody idiot.
Me: A wha'? A 'Jasper'?
Mr G: What are they?
Mr G: *Doubled up laughing* And there was me calling Ryan a 'bloody idiot'.
Mr G and myself lying in bed this morning. Discussing his constipation, as you do. Oh he'll love me, but this is too funny not to share.
Mr G: I might have to take a little yellow pill. I've not been in two days.
Me: Hmmmm. You took co-codamol yesterday for pain, probably that's what has done it.
Mr G: I need to find some foilage.
Me: WHY? Are you crapping outdoors?
Mr G: No! In my diet!
Me: *Puzzled* *Penny drops* And by foilage you mean fibre, I take it? And even if you were right, it's FOLIAGE not FOILAGE.
*Both laughing til we cry*
Me: Well, you could have some Fruit and Foilage for breakfast...
Mr G: Thank God it wasn't down to me to compile dictionaries. Shakespeare and Dickens would be screwed wouldn't they?
Me: Yeah. Can you imagine. 'Forsooth! My court Jasper is truly the funniest' Hahahahahaha.
Adam has found a new way to insult me. Google Translate. Type in the insults, hit the little audio button and I can smell like fishcake in many, many languages. Languages I didn't know existed, even. Although it has to be said, the well-spoken English guy saying 'You have got a flappy bum,' is marginally less offensive than Adam saying it. At least Google dude doesn't exacerbate matters by laughing.
And on that note...