Disappointed

I am so disappointed right now. When I heard that BoZo was making an announcement, I thought Here we go. This is where Christmas is cancelled.

And from what I've seen online, and heard from friends and family, that despite the disappointment, the general consensus is that it's the right thing to do. People are sad, upset, angry, moaning, grumbling and everything in between, quite understandably, but they still on the whole agree with it. I support the decision, despite it impacting on me, despite it disappointing me. I think everyone should be at home. Everywhere should be shut. Borders between the countries should be shut. Schools should be shut. Close everything down. Even supermarkets. Surely to God in this day and age, they could get basic food rations out to people, what the hell would we do in an actual war? Still insist that supermarkets open and the poor staff pander to us with smiles on their faces while bombs rained down outside? 

But they should have done this earlier, collectively, UK wide, regardless of whether infection rates were low, high, medium, non existant. Regardless of tiers. But as usual, it's last minute, and when things have likely gone past the point of no return. When the experts have been saying for weeks, no, it's too much. In Wales, our hospitals are almost at capacity and we only have ten critical care beds left. In the whole country. You can't argue against it with a statistic like that, it's a no brainer. We were never going to get anything resembling a normal Christmas, I think all of us knew deep down that we wouldn't, but after such a shit year, we let ourselves believe that we might. You have to hang on to a little bit of hope, right?

To make matters worse, our car is playing up. That's at the garage waiting to go to the auto electrician tomorrow. We needed that like a hole in the head, let me tell you. We finally had word on our bed, that's supposed to be here on Wednesday, so whether that turns up now or not remains to be seen. It would be an appropriate and very fitting end to a terrible year, anyway, to spend Christmas day sleeping on a mattress on the floor. 

Christmas is not cancelled here, anyway. It will just be very, very different this year. If anything, 2020 should have taught me not to make plans, anyway.  

My Yule Log. It doesn't look like Nigella's, anyway. If anything, it looks like a chocolate cock and balls, doesn't it? It'll look better when I jazz it up with some holly, decorations and dust some icing sugar over it. She says, hopefully, all the while knowing that it will look like a holly adorned chocolate cock and balls. I have frozen that, along with numerous other homemade bits and bobs I have prepared ready for Christmas. I have a huge sticky toffee pudding that I made in a 2lb loaf tin and a gorgeous toffee sauce. My Christmas cake needs icing. I've got a huge piece of ham. I've made homemade sausage rolls and mini pizzas. 

I was so on the ball, but I'm just not feeling it now. I'm feeling pretty sad, despondent, fed up. I had a little cry last night. Like millions of other people, no doubt, I'm not the only one who has been disappointed and we are all experiencing different levels of disappointment. We're all going to be missing someone this year, but I'm so very lucky that I have my husband and other children here, that we have food, all our gifts bought, that my parents only live two streets away so that we can see them on Christmas Day, albeit briefly. Some people will only be mildly inconvenienced, but for a lot of people, this will have been like a kick in the balls. 

I'm giving myself the rest of today to wallow and feel sorry for myself, and then tomorrow, I snap out of it. We all have to make the best of this bad situation, the important thing is that we stay as safe as possible, keep the people we love safe, in the hope that this time next year, we will all be able to get together and have a huge celebration. Christmas 2021 will be could potentially be epic. I'll start planning that one now.