Friday, 9 January 2015

The Circumference of an Onion...

It's so hard getting back into a routine, any routine at all.  And possibly pointless, because in a few weeks I'll have to scrap it and assume a new routine.  So my days are currently being spent in a weird hybrid of blind, silent panic and frantic, silent list making and plotting.  I drive Mr G crazy with my lists and my need to have everything mapped out to a tee.  He made this clear by writing, on MY memo board...

'Make a list to list things not on other lists'

The cheek of it.  He may mock, but, that list actually does exist.  Just don't tell him, ok?  I like to look at it this way.  My plotting means that when we go on holiday, everyone has everything they need.  When we go camping, I have lived out each and every day in my head, from dawn til dusk, including on occasion prebooking activities and printing tickets... And as such, I remember to pack the tin opener, and a sharp knife.  Ever tried cutting raw onion with a plastic picnic knife?  He mocks me whenever I pull my notepad out.  He rolled his eyes when I found a list app for my iPad.  Now, when I'm tapping away, he thinks I'm on Facebook or emailing someone.  He doesn't realise I'm mapping our future out for the next decade.  And planning our meals until June.

My name is Shell, and I am a control freak.  One of us has to be.  And my control-freakery makes sure things like this happen before the event, when they can't happen after...

Mr G's op falls 11 days before our anniversary and 14 days before his birthday, so it looks like yet another occasion falls victim to his operations (I've missed a Mother's Day with him in hospital and he was even operated on on my birthday a couple of years back. Best.  Birthday.  Ever).   Even though I'm sure he will be home, he won't be up to going out, and probably not up to getting merry with friends at home.  So I arranged babysitting for the four children, and went behind his back to book a night away in a cosy little inn in one of our favourite parts of the country.  I already hold the Lifetime Achievement award of 'Best Wife EVER' after 2014's stellar performances in 'Summerhouse' and the sequel 'Drumkit'.  But it doesn't help to remind him occasionally, just how bloody lucky he is to have me.  So on the 17th of this month we're off to The Hand at Llanarmon!   

Breakfast and evening meal booked.  Me, him, wine, no children?  Romantic much?  Every time I think about it I laugh like Candace does every time she thinks she's going to bust her brothers.

You're probably wondering what today's blog title is about, right?  Yes, you've guessed it.  That man gone done it again.  Yesterday, I was a bit out of sorts, and bless his little heart, Mr G helped me cook tea, and then got up, went in the kitchen, washed all the dishes and pans, cleaned down the stove, steam mopped the kitchen floor.  He then came in and sat down.

Mr G:  What's circumference?

Me:  *wondering if this is a trick question, as per* Erm...

Mr G:  This is probably  the wrong word.  But aren't onions circumference?  It's not the right word but you know what I mean. 

Me:  *deadpan*  Seemingly not?

Mr G:  You know, they go with anything, don't they?  Steak, cheese, salad...

Me:  Versatile?  Is that the word you're looking for?  Versatile?

Mr G:  Yes.  

Last but not least - I am going to be adding to my 'Fakeaway' series of recipes.  In previous years I've done a Chinese dish, an Indian dish, and a Chicken Doner Kebab.   I've now found a Doner Kebab fakeaway that I want to try, so I'm going to be inflicting testing that on the lovely Mr G and the children tomorrow.  If it's not a complete disaster, I will post my results.  If it is a complete disaster, I've got Just Eat on standby for the real thing (#winwin) but I am confident.  Like a boss ;-)

M x

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