Not Well

Picture of the Aquarius blue moon a few nights ago. One of the only pictures that has been taken recently. Isn't it beautiful? 

I haven't been feeling well for a while now. You may have read about the slumps that I end up in every now and again, that start off with a flu-ish like feeling and then I just hit a brick wall. I grind to a complete halt. I've tried to deal with these episodes in different ways. I've tried to push on through them, which is nigh on impossible. I've tried to 'be kind' to myself, and taken duvet weeks. Yes, weeks. To no avail. The only way out, is when my body decides it's time to feel ok again. 

Anyhoo, boy, have I been in one of my slumps for a hot minute now. The problem is, that the same symptoms present in so many different things. I knew that without a blood test, I would be surmising. I haven't wanted to bother my local surgery, God only knows how much more difficult their jobs are right now, but I'd got to a point that I couldn't take it any more. My mother and Mr G made me promise to phone the surgery and make an appointment, so I did first thing on Monday. I even missed SW, which I don't do. 

As I told my GP, (albeit well-meaning) friends and family are trying to diagnose me with everything from fibromyalgia to diabetes and everything in between. Unfortunately, not one of them has a medical degree. I explained that I wasn't always like this, I told him that while I knew it might be one of the first things to cross his mind, given the state of life at the mo, but it wasn't depression, it was definitely something physical. Brain fog like... ugh. I'm forgetting how to spell basic words. Trying to cook tea the other day and not only did I not want to, I actually didn't know how to. I didn't know where to start cooking for us. I was just stood in the kitchen, gawping, walking back and forth to the living room, looking at Mr G with a pained expression and walking back until he finally came to help me. 

I'm sleeping through the night and then sleeping in the afternoon. I haven't been walking. It's impacting on what I eat and my weightloss. He agreed that I was right to phone and - long story short - I had blood tests on Thursday at the surgery. He wanted to test for diabetes and pernicious anaemia - both of which my mother has, kidney and liver function, and also thyroid. He said that if the blood tests were clear, to make a follow up appointment with him, as it could be to do with the perimenopause and that would need to be clinically diagnosed. 

My blood tests went well, I did use Emla cream. I'm... happier about having injections now. Still don't want any, but after the last two times and how well it went, I'm happier. But I didn't want to start freaking out while she took blood, the needle is in longer than with an injection, and if I feel that needle in my arm? That's when it's showtime, haha. I knew that I'd be ok if my veins were numbed, and so I decided to do that. Thankfully, you can now buy this over the counter, I think it was just over five pounds from Morrisons, for a 5g tube and two dressings. The nurse was really lovely, though, she refused to let me rush, she made me lie down to have the blood tests and blood pressure done, and made sure that I was ok before I got up. Told me to take my time and stay lying down for a few minutes afterwards. It makes all the difference, a little understanding, and not making you feel like a bellend.  

Yesterday was probably the best I've felt in well over a week, and to be blunt, I still feel like crap. But at least I managed to actually cook a meal for tea, lasagne. We had the youngest's football presentation last night where they all received a trophy for this last year. Unfortunately, they didn't get to play anything more than a few friendlies, hopefully next season will be better for them. It was nice to get out and get some fresh air, we took the camping chairs so I only had to walk from the car to the pitch. Mr G also won a bottle of prosecco for me, in the raffle. Maybe one day I'll feel well enough to cope with a hangover again, but that day is not right now. 

A fortnight today the third child becomes an adult (kill me now). I've ordered 18th birthday bits and bobs from Amazon, a personalised cake topper, balloons, cupcake toppers, banners. Ordered cards from Moonpig - I don't think I've ever paid full price for a Moonpig card, they keep offering both Mr G and I free cards. All you have to pay is the postage - 85p. It's cheaper than buying a card from a card shop right now, and personalised too. I've ordered his cake from the lady who makes our family's cakes. 

It's just knowing what to do to celebrate his birthday. He is notoriously anti social. He doesn't like people, nor interacting with people, nor fun in general. But, I like to treat them all equally, and the other two have had house parties. Plus, like it or not, his family will want to come and see him and make a fuss. We have the last home league game of the season on his birthday. So, I might throw a little get together after on the Saturday night, prep as much as I can in advance and then have everyone round from about 7.30 for a small buffet. He doesn't drink alcohol, so it's not going to be a mad one. It'll be as mad as you can get on blackcurrant squash. 

We play Rochdale at home today, and as much as I love Cru, I wish I could stream it at home, but I know that Mr G wouldn't go without me. It's one of those, I'll probably be ok when I'm there. But just the thought of dragging myself up to the shower now and putting my head on. Ugh.  

In other news, I'm thrilled that Ronaldo has come back to United. I've been saying for years that I would love to see him back, every time there's speculation that he is coming back and it comes to nothing. When I saw that he was supposedly joining City, something didn't sit right. He's a true Red at heart, a legend. He's like Cantona, and Evra, they're still United through and through. He would have lost a lot of respect from the fans if he'd joined City. Although I doubt that the multimillionaire athlete gives two hoots about the views of armchair fans worldwide. I can't see him ever dropping down leagues, either, I think he wants to end his career on a high, playing at the highest level possible and achieving everything. I think that's why he's back, he wants to end his career at United, on a high. I've only ever been wrong once about a player, when I couldn't ever see him as a United player, nor fitting in to the team, and that was Wayne Rooney. As good as he was, I just couldn't picture it. I was very wrong, obviously. 

This was the youngest's take on it as the rumours started emerging that he was speaking to United, and how, precisely, we could afford him. So, if anyone needs to balance their books, needs expert budgeting advice or even wants him to manage your football team's next transfer window, please email me and I can put you in touch with him ;-)